It has happened to all of us on more than one occasion that we have needed to get a person out of our head, either because it is someone with whom we are in love and does not correspond to us, because we have broken a sentimental relationship, because they have offended us, or even because he has died and it is time to turn the page, in short, the causes can be many.
Unfortunately, on many occasions forgetting that person is an almost impossible task, as well as painful.
His memory returns to our head without ceasing and hooks into our thoughts without us being able to do anything to avoid it, producing a true emotional ordeal.
We are not going to tell you in this article that we have a miracle solution to this problem but, although it may seem difficult, there are strategies that you can use to forget someone.
Strategies to help you forget someone
Schedule a specific time to think
You know you should forget that person, but it seems like you end up doing just the opposite too often because the thoughts that pop into your mind appear when they want to. You can try to ignore them when they arise, but you have found that there is little you can do to prevent them from appearing.
Luckily, there are some things you can do. Know that when something appears in your mind too often, it is because you have not processed it completely. Therefore, you need to spend some time thinking about that topic, or in this case, person. Of course, in a controlled way, deciding when and for how long, trying to analyze what has happened, your emotions, your thoughts, the consequences of what happened, how it has affected you, etc.
You should find a time throughout the day, a specific time, to think (or better yet, write) about your relationship with that person and its meaning. When you have this mechanism in place and you realize that your mind is thinking about the subject outside of the scheduled time, you should tell yourself: “Not now, I will think about this at the time that I have scheduled” and focus your attention on whatever it is what you are doing at that moment.
Imagine the person only in a photograph
Another strategy is to imagine the person only as if he were a portrait, and then visualize how the photograph is blown away by the wind, lifting it up and away from you more and more until it disappears completely from your sight and your mind. Don’t anchor yourself in other thoughts as you do it.
Throw it in the bin
Write the name of the person you want to forget on a piece of paper, or you can also write a brief description of the thought that came to mind and then crumple the paper up and throw it away.
Do not think so much about what happened
Even if you don’t stop thinking about past events, you won’t be able to change them, just as much as you may imagine “if I had said… if I had…”, this will only keep you in a vicious cycle of emotional pain and grief. Think about it logically and you will see that there is no use thinking about things.
Keep your distance
If you want to forget someone, it is better not to see each other anymore and to leave all contact, that is clear. It is the way to stop stirring the feelings and let them fade little by little. But if you have no choice because, for example, you have children in common, you work in the same company or any other situation, try to focus your relationship strictly on what you cannot avoid, and keep only the essential contacts with that person.
Control your dominant emotion
Identify what emotion you feel most strongly and for the longest time. Is it sadness, anger, fear of loneliness, feeling of contempt or humiliation, desire for revenge …? Then try to find out what is causing those feelings. Analyze your thoughts. For example, the fear of loneliness can be generated by thoughts such as “I will not find anyone who loves me, I will be alone forever, I will not be able to bear it …”
Your feelings offer you important information about the topics you need to address. For example, when someone leaves you without your wanting it, you may feel anger. Many people, after analyzing the reasons for this anger, realize that they feel humiliated because they see the breakup as contempt, rejection, feelings that we do not always know how to handle properly because as children we have not been taught to deal with them. or because we have suffered because of rejection by colleagues.
Having things to do and keeping your mind occupied throughout the day helps you doubly: on the one hand, by focusing your attention on something else, you will prevent your mind from wandering to where you do not want.
This technique is based on living in the here and now, focusing only on the present, on the small day-to-day sensations, such as the wind in your face, the heat of the sun when you take a walk, perceiving more thoroughly what you are looking at, listening, savoring … Since what you need is to learn to control your mind, mindfulness is a good tool to help you precisely to achieve it and it is easy to use.
Question your thoughts
When we are in an intense emotional state like anxiety, stress, sorrow, etc…, Marie Antoinette syndrome has a great link with stress. we think in an irrational way, we have thoughts that, if we meditate carefully, we will see that in normal situations we would not have. Surely they are thoughts that our family and friends already detect are not “normal”, and they may even have told us on more than one occasion. All of this makes us feel even worse. Do not believe everything that goes through your mind when you are in such an altered state.
When you detect these thoughts, remember point 1 of this article and leave these thoughts to invade you only at the agreed time, in this way the rest of the day you will remain more focused on the present and you will not fall into the spiral of pain so easily.
We are social animals and we need permanent contact with our peers to stay healthy, but paradoxically, relationships between people are not easy. It is not easy for you, but it is not easy for the other person either. Each one sees things in their own way, almost always we all believe we are right, we are offended by things that are not always said with this intention, but above all, each one carries their own emotional baggage (unresolved problems, bad experiences, past hurts, etc.).
Also, NOBODY IS PERFECT. Many times the best way to move on with your life is to recognize that the other person is imperfect, has their own motives, and perhaps did the best they knew how or could. Forgive and forget it helps to move forward and leave the past behind so that you can start over with what is to come from now on. Do not think only of this process as an end, but as a beginning of something new, so you will come out stronger.